can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
