Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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