yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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