Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
