I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
