Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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