he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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