I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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