Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
