Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
