it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize