Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She is in my trunk
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
