I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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