with your own penis?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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