I'm really into asian looking animals
Me too!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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