when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize