Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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