I am midnight drunk by noon
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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