So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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