So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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