I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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