i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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