Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
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