Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
