Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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