(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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