Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
