There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize