I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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