I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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