The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
