had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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