You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
