An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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