I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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