I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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