I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize