We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
