my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
