I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
