do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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