you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's rum buckets o'clock
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
