1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
