Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
