we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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