I hate your face
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
