is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
