She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
