She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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