I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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