This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
