You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize