If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
