I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
