Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
