he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
