he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
