I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
