Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
