I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
