Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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