i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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