Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
