i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize