I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
