there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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