FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
