So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
