Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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