So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
