she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
