This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
