I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
