We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
