meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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