to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
