It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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