Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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