I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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