just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize