Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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