So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
