dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
