i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
