he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
