I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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