She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
