apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
