my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hippo gnu deer
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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