Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
