I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
