yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
