Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
