Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
